I have a confession to make. I hate the Olympics.

Ok, hate is probably too strong a word. More like “I have a complete and utter lack of interest in the Olympics.” I’m just not a sports person. I have tried, on more than one occasion, to follow a Raiders game while my husband screams at the TV and regales me with terms like “end zone” and “hail mary” but after a few minutes my adult ADD kicks in and I find it very necessary to rearrange furniture or color code my fabric collection. It may stem from years of being dragged to my brothers little league games, wrestling matches, soccer & basketball games AND my dad’s softball and basketball games. Or it may just be that I’m a weenie girl with a distinct lack of hand eye coordination and a missing competitive gene. Either way, the sports? They ain’t my thing.

Regardless, here is a list of sports I am interested in seeing:

1. The National Bellyflop Championships.
2. The entire cast of “Sex in the City” participating in their very own Running of the Bulls. With a dead end.
3. Anything involving midgets and trampolines.
4. A donkey race in which handpicked drains on humanity celebrities like Rachel Ray, Paris Hilton and most of the Baldwin brothers must ride drunken beasts of burden to the top of an ancient Peruvian mountaintop. Loser must be sacrificed atop said mountain.
5. So You Think Your a Pentecostal? Extra points if, while speaking in tongues, the participants manage to slip in “Nathan Explosion is God.”