I had a spasm the likes of which have not been felt since, oh, um 4 years ago, when said stoopid back decided to let me know it didn’t dig the daily 4 hour driving time and 8+ hours of sitting at a desk I had been coaxing out of it by just plain locking the fuck up and refusing to move. (You know what’s amusing? A Chinese chef and a Filipino dishwasher, neither of whom speak English, carrying you to the ER downstairs. Apparently the sounds of agony are universal. Thanks guys!)

Apparently me having the audacity to put laundry in the dryer last week was just the straw that broke the camels back (pun DEFINITLEY intended. Sorry.) and I remain for the most part supine, watching crappy tv that I want to scream at and knitting. A lot. I actually finished an entire pair of slippers. MUST. BE. PRODUCTIVE.

And I’m healing up, slowly. Not fast enough for me, but getting there. And I think I may just lay on the couch and do all my Christmas shopping this week. Because seriously? I haaaaaaaate stores at this time of the year. The energy is just wierd, man.

Somebody… bring me chocolate. And Vicodin. And more chocolate. K thanks?!

1. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2. Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating (or eating again)
4. Optional extra: Post a comment at http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth $120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frog’s Legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

My plan of action is to 1. Drastically cut down on cigarettes. I KNOW they are the #1 reason I’m sick. Bad, bad. 2. Do a liver cleanse. 3. Make sure I get extra Vitamin C.

And now, I’ve got some curling up to do.

Please, if you have to listen to that crap, don’t play them until after Thanksgiving. At least. Thanks.

I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. I love the actual day… waking up with the kids, dinner at my parents with the family. Its cozy and warm and fun… and a really good excuse to make shortbread. Its just everything else… all the shopping, the cards, the crazy lists and hoping you aren’t pissing anyone off. That stuff, I could do without.

This year, we need to keep it simple. We already know what we are getting the kids, one “big” present each and a stocking. We probably won’t be getting anything for ourselves or each other. I’m going to make tea/coffee and cookie baskets for everyone in lieu of gifts and some soap sets for the kiddos. (Surprise!) Other than that, I want to keep things calm and quiet… except there is also a part of me that stomps her feet and insists on grandiose schemes, hours of work and handmade everything. Mmmmhmmm. Not this year.

Still. I do love the holidays. I just don’t like what it does to my bank account!

Journey

Vast expanse

As far as the eye can see

Wind sweeping, hides the paths we’ve taken

Obscures the view of what may be.

Do you hear me at all?

I’m thirsty, I’m hungry

And nothing fills me up.

Dogged steps of determination

Push forward, ignore the pain

Savor the bleeding, cracked lips

Smile through the ache.

As green as I was

Now browned by the sun

Yet to blister and burn, let the new skin shine through

Healing, pink and raw.

To come so far, and have so long left to go

And then, we start all over.

Yep, I got me a shiner. Only, on the chin.

Today, I got in a fight with a bungee cord and lost. (This is probably proof that I should pay more attention-slow down-quit trying to do 10 things at once, or, that I am just very, very clumsy.) Because I am very classy and haul a full landscaping setup in the back of my 1994 Ford Taurus, I use bungee cords to secure my lawn mower. Or at least to make it seem like I am trying to secure my lawn mower, because frankly, I think it might be amusing to see just how far one of those puppies can fly. Anyway, karma must have decided I’ve been bad lately because I managed to snap the bungee cord INTO MY OWN FACE while trying to tie the lawn mower down today. And then about 12 seconds after I did it the first time, I managed to DO IT AGAIN, RIGHT IN THE THROAT.

So. Any old ladies out there who need help crossing the street? Lost puppies in need of rescue? Any blind children need someone to read to them? Because apparently I need to rack up some points.

Ozzie, the Indian brave. Excuse me, Native American brave. Er, indigenous peoples brave?

Ivy, showing off some Pikachu tail.

Hope you had a good one!

The little known disgruntled nausea fairy!

I ate yogurt with oatmeal and rasins for dinner yesterday. I made the kids Top Ramen.

I have more zits now, at 28, then I ever did as a teenager.

I really hate parties.

I still love Weezer. Seriously. One of the BEST BANDS EVER.

I really need new underwear.

I talk to myself in a British accent in the car. I’m very amusing.

I sort of like High School Musical. I guess it grew on me. What? Its like Grease!

Spiders, insects and poop do not bother me at all. But pubic hair? shudder.

Tomorrow is Halloween! I’m dressing up as a faerie! What are you going to be?

I feel sad. Ok, I’m just going to say it: I miss my brother. He moved to Wisconsin last week, and while I am glad he is doing what he wants to do, and I very much anticipate a trip out to visit him later this year, I miss him. I may not have talked to him everyday but I’ve always been the kind of person who doesn’t necessarily need to be with someone constantly to appreciate the fact of their geographical nearness. I just like having the people I love in the same zip code… I’m selfish ok? When we were living in Okinawa I couldn’t wait to call my mom and dad every week, but hanging up the phone, knowing I couldn’t call them again tomorrow or stop by for a cup of tea and some HGTV just made my homesickness flare up that much worse. I guess I’m firmly tied to the apron strings.

So, yeah, I need to get over it. But who else appreciates the gloriousness of the Golden Girls? Who will telepathically make fun of other people with me in public? Keep me hip and cool by force feeding me new music? Ok, well, there is always the phone. And email. I know, I know, quit wallowing.

Still, I’m saving up my flier miles!